Welcome!

I'm excited you stopped by. I'm here to share the ins & outs of my journey through single parenthood, and to gather single parents & their supporters to share ideas on how we can be successful, happy families.

Please take a look around and offer any feedback to me or advice to others. Good luck on your journey! 

Sí se puede!

Si se puede means "Yes, it can be done!" or "Yes, it is possible!" While I don't speak Spanish, I like using this saying; it's quite liberating  - and appropriate for parents like me.

Yes, it is possible to be a successful, happy single parent; yes, I can be this person today!

Have you noticed that "can" is a very powerful word? I'm trying as often as possible to replace "should" with "can" when I'm running down my never-ending list of things to do.

When I think "should" do something, I become one more person in my life that I have to nag and potentially be let down by. But when I "can" do something, I have one more choice available to me, and I am empowered.

But can I really be successful as a single parent? And can I be happy too? The answer is yes, if I choose to let go of my fear.

There is great fear in having the sole responsibility of raising children. There can be an almost certainty that you do not have enough love, time, strength, energy, patience & worth to be entrusted with this awesome task.

There is even temptation to accept less than what you deserve in a partner just so that you don't have waste time proving to yourself and your loved ones all the things you've decided you can not do.

My loved ones tell me I am a success story. They point to the two beautiful daughters I raise - who love, trust, and rely on me - and say that I must be doing something right.

Now, I am learning to listen to them. I am learning that I have wasted so much time on my fears, and I am unable to get that time back.

I am learning that success and happiness are not destinations, but states of mind. Every day that I wake up and decide to model these mindsets is a day that I do in fact succeed, and enjoy life.

It is also a day that I teach my children a little something too. I show them that they can live in fear, or they can live in love, but not both. I've made my choice - what is yours?

Please consider some of the most powerful words I have ever read - a speech given by Nelson Mandela:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

"We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

"You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

"We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.

"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

The Audacity of Fulfillment

I'm fairly certain I'm entering a third-life crisis. My birthday is next week, and in one year I will turn 30. And I am just not where I thought I would be when I was approaching 30.

Thankfully, my boss - wonderful and supportive and retiring (ugh!) - didn't take offense when I unwilling broke out in tears at work yesterday and accidently said, "My sister is younger than me, and she's starting work on her master's degree, and I'm a lowly office assistant!"

One of the ridiculous things here is, who cares, right? So many people are out of work. I should thank my lucky stars I have a job, and one with benefits! And if the economic situation doesn't turn around, my sister may not have many choices once she's done.

But I still want the education and dream job.

But I still need the self-esteem to get there.

The other side of this crisis is that ALL of my peers, the people I have been friends or acquaintances with for a while who all turn 30 in 2009, ALL of them are married or in "long-term partnerships" (some people in our generation don't feel the need to get married after the horrors our parents put us through).

I know a couple of single moms who are about ten years older than me. That should tell me something. Some of those peers won't be coupled much longer, and I know that. But it's just bothering me right now in a way that it didn't before.

I have been grateful that I'm not with someone now that I thought was good for me in my early 20s. I made some horrific choices, as did some of my friends. And they are stuck right now and I am free.

I am free, dammit. So why am I so upset right now?!

Because I want the husband and the dream marriage.

But I still need the self-esteem to get there.

Mind-Body-Food Connection

The Kaiser Weight Management Program asked me to Examine Your Mind-Body-Food Connection.

Each day I rate my mood, level of physical activity, and eating habits in my journal, in addition to just logging my food intake.

For my Mind, I pick a number between 1 - "was in a bad mood most of the day" and 6 - "had a positive attitude most of the day." I almost think it helps to note your mood each time you consume food. It may be that you eat normally through the day, but eat due to stress at home in the evening.

For my Body, I chose somewhere between 1 - "didn't get the exercise I need" and 6 - "met or exceeded exercise goals for the day." As I said before, I'm also tracking how much sleep I get. I think this is another key component.

And for Food, I chose anywhere from 1 - "had no control over food choices" and 6 - "met food goals for calories and fat grams for the day."

Each day for a week, I also examine the connection by contemplating a question provided. They range from "I use food as a substitute for _____" to "What will it take for me to make exercise a priority?"

These are hard freakin questions!

I'm really not having to make any serious changes yet, so this is ALMOST fun. And I think it's a great way to dip my toe into the pool of long-term health.

Weight Managment Program

I'm getting some help in my battle to shed some pounds from Kaiser's HealthMedia Weight Management Program, a free online program customized for Kaiser members (they also have programs to stop smoking, for stress management, etc).

I entered in my scary numbers, including weight and waist circumference. I checked boxes next to "I never exercise" and "I eat to control my emotions." I admitted sweets were my ultimate weakness, and I entered the name and email address of a friend who can support me (you know who you are).

After 15 minutes or so, I was introduced to my "plan." It focuses on helping me lose 5 pounds at a time in 6-week increments, which sounds very manageable. I'll be weighing myself every week at the same time, setting goals, and more. First step? Keeping a daily journal that forces you to look at the choices you are currently making..

So tomorrow I'm going to try to eat no more than 2,021 calories (the magic number just to maintain, according to this program), and log every bite of food. More on the journal and plan coming up...

Holiday Health Diary

Did you gain five pounds this holiday? I probably did. And I'm well aware that another ten are lurking around holiday parties, my birthday, and four-day weekends for Christmas and New Year's.

But the more time I get to spend with my girls during these long weekends, the more I want to spend with them. If I don't start leading a healthier lifestyle, I won't get that time. That's just a fact.

So tomorrow I'm beginning a Holiday Health Diary. I'm going to start admitting what I am or am not doing to maintain my health and invest in a long future.

This needn't be an unrealistic marathon of two-hour workouts and 1,000 calorie days. Baby steps like a day of drinking all the water I should will suffice. I should probably note how much sleep I'm getting too.

And there will be days when I don't embrace anything healthy whatsoever. But maybe I can start drawing important parallels between "Aly drove me crazy today" and "I had seconds plus dessert tonight."

It's a start.

Help With Home Energy Costs

My Gas & Electric bill is the "red-headed step-child" in my budget, so to speak. It takes a backseat to most of my other bills, because it can.

Rent, obviously, has to get paid. The landlord is quick to serve Pay or Quit Notices, and as I rebuild my credit, having a perfect rent-paying record is important to future landlords.

Speaking of credit, paying my credit cards on time and making more than my minimum payment is also a priority for me. This does affect your credit rating, and someday I'd like to think I won't be in such dire straits and would like to buy a house. Every month I'm responsible in this area gets me closer to that goal.

Obviously there's food, health and car insurance, and other necessities. Can't wait til next month to eat!

So if there's a bill I have to put off a month, it's usually PG&E. They don't report to credit agencies if you are late, only if you get sent to collections. If your bills are normally low, you can sometimes skip two months before they send you a shut off notice.

In my case, as child support comes and goes, I can usually pay off my balance within the next month. It is nice to have some flexibility though.

But what happens if you've done as I have, but just ended up with an even larger bill you can't pay? More and more people are struggling right now, so it's increasingly common.

There are programs to help, like the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program. You can apply to receive one-time payment that's made directly to your utility company. Here are a list of agencies in California you can turn to.

The hard part is that it can take 4 to 6 weeks for the company to get the payment, so be careful. If you happen to know that a layoff or something is coming, apply early.

For regular assistance, the CARE program through PG&E discounts your monthly bills by 20% if you're low-income (for a family of three, an annual income less than $35,800). For programs outside of California, simply Google "low income energy assistance" and the name of your state.

Stay warm!